Now that I have your attention...
Pardon my absence from the blog for so long. It's been a screaming tilt-a-whirl of a summer full of hurried waiting.
I am now living permanently in the house that inspired this blog. I've heard a lot of people say that living in Italy full time is very different than visiting - even being here long term to run a guest house. It's true. Take, for example - here it comes - trash.
In our town, it is collected 5 days a week. You separate different kinds of trash and each has its own pick up day according to a schedule that rivals the logistics of large armies. I've liked the system, though. It seemed ecologically sound. I got used to what went where and when it was picked up.
And then...everything changed! Suddenly there were posters stuck on community billboards announcing the BIG MEETING about...trash! As a responsible citizen, I went.
The mayor presided and introduced several important trash-knowledgeable people. I could tell they were important by the way they scootched the one available microphone over to themselves with authority and thumped forcefully on it ino order to be sure they were heard. The voiceover actor in me cringed. After each of them had spoken, we were introduced to the BIG CHEESE trash guy. I knew he was the main event because he was handed the mic. No self-scooching. He didn't bother thumping it. It was set up for him. He spoke in calm, serious tones. For a long time.
I had a difficult time following all the Italian (my vocabulary is lacking in refuse-related words), but the summary seemed to be this:
* You all have gotten out of hand with your willy-nilly trash separation.
* There will be tragic consequences for our region if you don't shape up
* So there will be lots of new rules which, because we know you'll try to circumvent them, we've come up with a way to police your trash
* Everyone in the communie will be gifted new, color coded trash bins. You're welcome.
* These bins have micro chips in them. If you try to cheat and throw trash that doesn't belong in a bin, checkers will point a chip reading gun at it and BANG! your transgression is recorded and you'll be issued a multa - a ticket, and fined.
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| Example of bins. These are for public use. The individual household ones are, thankfully, much smaller. |
The used oil bin. I've yet to find the used clothing bin.
The BIG CHEESE trash expert explained all the rules - which bins were for what kinds of trash, what specifically went into each, and what day of the week each had to go out (between the hours of 10 PM the previous night and 5 AM the day of pick up). We had a little over a week to memorize everything before the BIG TEST on the first day the new trash rules went into effect. Thus began my studies for a doctorate in trash separating.
There are 12 categories on our trash separation guidelines. Each category lists the definition of said category, what trash is included in each, what is FORBIDDEN in each, and what color bin each kind of trash goes into.
Trash from A to Z Actual brochure we were given.
Note, in caps "Separating trash is obligatory!"
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| The categories. Same number as the number of apostles. |
I studied and studied. I circled around the bins, trash in one hand, list of rules in the other, thinking,
"Are cellophane wrappers plastic or paper?"
My housekeeper spent 45 minutes tutoring me in trash separation. I gathered two other American friends to have her explain it again to them. We took notes. (I'm not kidding!).
The day of the implementation of the new trash rules arrived on a Thursday. It was the designated day for collection of the dreaded and most confusing indifferenziato (formerly known as secco residuo - which translates literally to "dried remains". I've often wondered if that's where you hide dead bodies.) This is basically where you put everything that doesn't fit in any other category. With the exception of:
- anything made of paper, cardboard, glass, metal, organics, plastic, green waste, used clothing, electronics, toys, light bulbs, batteries, pharmaceuticals, or recyclable packaging.
With a mixture of hope and trepidation, I placed a full blue plastic trash bag in the dark grey bin designated for the indifferenziato and placed it on my front step.
Then, like a child awaiting Santa Clause, I went to sleep full of anticipation of the next day's find.
The morning broke hot and cloudy. I peered over the railing of my balcony to the steps below. There was the grey bin - open. The blue bag was still there! No pick up! I failed the test!
I brought the bag back inside and opened it, and with the rules in hand, rifled through it to find the offending refuse. The trash police must have done the same. My husband said he'd seen them open and check other neighbors' bags. I was stumped! Everything in the bag was legal refuse. What was my infraction?
Through a process of ingenious sleuthing and the help of several neighbors, I discovered that the problem wasn't the trash - it was the bag! Blue bags are verboten for indifferenziato. That trash requires a plain, black plastic bag. That and only that! The commune did not supply that kind of bag, so I traversed the town and surroundings in search of. Luckily, a nearby grocery store had plenty in stock.
1 week later - time again for indifferenziato collection.
Black bag? Check
Legal contents? Check - I think
Correct bin? Check
Correct pick up day? Check.
Next morning - I open the front shutters ad peek over the balcony...
There's the monolithic bin. Open. And empty!!
I've passed the trash exam. Hopefully, I will have avoided any inclusion in the criminal records system and won't receive a multa.
But now...how to I dispose of all the blue bags?
"Oh I love trash
Anything dirty or dingy or dusty
Anything ragged or rotten or rusty
Yes I love trash"
