I Am the Egg (wo) Man

I outfitted myself for a morning run. Well, okay, more like a combination run/walk/slog. It was still 3 days before the Bearman was due to arrive and usher in three weeks of hiking and sea kayaking. I needed the dusty hills of the country road leading out of town to get my cardio system ready. Curling uphill, downhill, past olive groves slanting downwards from undulating hills, the road changes from macadam to gravel before reaching my turn around near a football field sized tomato patch. The final uphill slog into town comes a half hour after this. Even though I had been running every other day for the past 6 weeks, I felt unprepared. I was planning to tackle the Corno Grande this summer, after all - at nearly 3,000 meters the highest peak in the Appenines. And very rocky. And steep. So it was time to get moving. Everything was in check - cell phone in pocket in case the nasty dogs nastied at me, frozen water bottle thawed just enough for the sippy thing to pop up, sunglasses - oops! In ran upstairs to retrieve them. When I ran back down, there she was. She stood well inside the front door. In her hand she held a bulging plastic bag. I didn't recognize her, although she dressed like all the other older ladies in town - black, shin-length dress with a discreet floral print, square-toed shoes that provided a sturdy platform for her swollen ankles, grey hair cropped just short enough to reveal gold rosettes on her earlobes, and the obligatory gold cross at her neck.
      "Do you need some eggs?" she asked, holding up the plastic bag. It looked half full. I did, in fact, need some.
      "Six euro for the whole bag."
      "Oh, no,no,no", I said. "I don't need that many. I'll just take a few. Maybe four or so."
       The woman continued as if she hadn't heard me. Or maybe my Italian was too bad to understand.
       "Three euro a dozen. But the whole bag for six euro. And I'll give you six for free. A gift."
        I shook my head. "No, thank you. That's too many. I'm here all by myself"
        The woman wobbled further inside and peered around. She tapped on the door to the downstairs kitchen.
        "Isn't there another family here?"
        "Yes, for now, " I said."but they are guests. They don't live here all the time. I'm here alone. I
         can't eat all those eggs."
         "She shrugged. "Put them in the refrigerator"
         I tried to speak, but didn't have the words I needed with which to counter her.
         I stammered. "But, I still won't be able to eat so many eggs. It will take me a long time. They'll go bad before I can eat them all."
         "Six euro," she insisted. "And six eggs as a gift."
          "What if I buy six eggs? How much?"
            Egg Woman opened her arms wide, palms upturned, and fixed her eyes on mine.
           "No! No! It is such a good bargain! Six euro. The whole bag. Six eggs I give you as a gift!"
            The sun was rising in the sky. I less than an hour it would be straight above, broiling the road and me on the last leg of my run. The frozen water bottle was weeping on the desktop.
           "My Italian is not so good," I said. "So tell me - you are saying I can buy the whole bag of eggs for six euro?"
           Egg Woman nodded.
           "Okay. But I don't have six euro exactly."
            "Give me a ten. I'll make change." She held the bag out to me and shook it just enough so it could whisper in collusion. She smiled.
             I ran upstairs, got a 10 euro note, and gave it to her. She gave me change in 50 and 20 centessimi coins.
            I then placed 32 eggs in the crisper drawer of the refrigerator.  As I ran I though about my attempt to resist the Egg Woman. It occurred to me that climbing the Corno Grande might be the easier task.

I am your Egg (wo) Man . You will obey.