My Italian Workout

[Warning: May contain graphic details of relationship with husband or other current spouse of the male species.]
 My husband is a workout kind of guy. He bikes, hikes, lifts, paddles, skis, glides on a nordic track for  at least 2 1/2 hours a day. Every day. Mind you, I don't mind. He's beautiful. Muscular, well-toned, strong: the kind of alpha guy a gal like me, described by a one of my gay amica's as "the most heterosexual woman I know" , can appreciate. And he appreciates me with equal admiration of the way I've been able to stay in pretty good physical shape for an old broad. He'd like me to stay that way. He encourages me to work out. Yesterday he emailed me, from America, a link to a new workout program he discovered. It's called Tabata. I checked it out and it's, well, work. So I've designed my very own, integrated, every day maintenance regime. To whit:

The Mastrobuono Method for a Totally Toned Italianate Body in 90 Days or Less

Warm-up: Stairs. Run down steep, non-made-to-code spiral staircase to terrace below house to eat           breakfast and write. Forget glasses. Run back up. Run down. Hear cell phone ring. Run up. Run back down. Have to pee. Run up. Run back down. Repeat several times until it's too late to eat breakfast before the fish guy comes. Gulp down espresso.[Note: weight loss is extra bonus] Run down back stairs (also not made to code: each step is 6 feet high) to front door. Forget key. Run back up back stairs. Run down and out door.

Steep Spiral Staircase

Cardio: Hear cheesy Italian music fish guy plays from tinny speakers on his truck fade as he pulls away. Sprint half a kilometer to the other side of town to catch him. Pause to buy calamari. Hear church bells chime 8:30 and realize your guests are now up and you haven't yet made coffee. Sprint back to house, now with calamari as weights.

Steep stairs

Recovery: See guests headed out of town for the day. Notice mountains are in clear view this morning. Stop at bar on the way back to house to take them in with a capuccino.

Steep street

Lifting: Schlep three, 15-pound bags of potting soil from the blue dolphin (pet name for the car. It's really, really blue!) parked at bottom of long hill to house. Carry them up back stairs and then down spiral staircase. Do two reps.

Heft 5-liter wine jugs of water from bathroom down spiral staircase to newly planted shrubs on terrace because outside faucet seems blocked. (Note to self: include call to plumber in cool down.) Do four more reps.

Cool-Down: Fire up internet and look at Tabata site lovingly sent by spousal until. Eat.

Spousal Unit of the Alpha Male Variety (One friend of mine said he is built like and action-hero figure)